I hate love stories

i hate love stories for i never had our happy ending...

Love is all over….but I hate it…not because I have not loved but because I once loved but I lost it, I screwed up. I know it is not I alone to be blamed why things never really worked out, though we both tried. We tried for almost a year but nothing better happened.  I may be delusional and he may be schizophrenic but does it really matter? I mean, we both have felt the same way at one point or another but definitely, it is not just about the feeling that we have, there are much more things to consider than the way we feel, the way things had been going on. Time may be a factor but we both know that we have other obligations. Is it me who cannot understand or is it him who thinks that whatever happens, I will understand?

“I wish I could be the one, the one who could give you love, find the love you really need… I love you goodbye…”

I know that this line have been said millions of times by those hopeless romantic out there but that is just how it is. That is the perfect line to describe what they feel, what I feel. For love is and will never be enough to sustain everything that is between the two of us. I don’t know what else is needed. I also came to a point that I thought we have it all but still, it was never enough. We ended long before but the friendship and relationship we had did not just end there. We became closer than how we’ve been when we were lovers but we never had the happy ending I thought well have. I hope I’ll move on as fast as he did but somewhere in my thoughts, I still wish of that happy together.

“I love you, but I love ME more…” –sex in the city-

Everyone loves but not everyone loves themselves. I admit, I was at a point of never really thinking of myself before. You had been my priority, my world concentrated on you, you had been the most important person in my life for that span of time. I wish and pray that in one way or another, you see the worth that I have given you. My friends might hate me for doing this but I know they would understand, I just want to say goodbye one last time. I may not be treating you as important as before but I know for sure that you know that you’ll always be important to me. I’m doing this not to bring you back for I know I can’t.  I know you’ve moved on, and I’ll try to be happy as how you want me to be. Thanks for setting me free and making me realize that things can never always happen the way I want it to be.

Sorry, I have never been the “mom” you wanted me to be. I never understood you like the way you wanted to be understood. As I count my days for Valentine’s Day, I’ll always remember in my heart that same day last year when you had become my Valentine.

I hate love stories not because I don’t believe in it but because I never had our happy ending.

-xoxo-

breaking things gently

will I still love thee?

Leaving is always never this easy. I saddens me, however, this just have to be the path we both have to go through.

You may not understand me, nor will you simply explain how I deal with you with your psychological bullshits. But things cannot always be explained just the way it seems. There are things that even the best poets and artists cannot define, cannot show, and cannot feel. I feel worst than anyone thought I am capable of feeling. I may look alright but I am not, we both know that we are not alright, we are under circumstances we both don’t know where to lead, and we don’t know how to deal with. I may assume in saying this and this would make you think that I’m just delusional of the things that i keep blabbering about but did you dare listen to the things that may be essential in settling things between us? I wish we both know how to listen and understand the point of one another. I don’t care of the proposition that will hopefully solve everything and make us become friends like how you wanted us to become.

Friends. We can never be friends after everything, at least not at the general perception of how friends deal with each other. Friends don’t hold hands as often as lovers. Friends just don’t reflect how we are and how we will be. Things will never be like before, we both know that. Don’t blame me for interpreting things the way I see them. Neither can I blame you for looking at things the way you want it. We have biases in dealing with the situation, there is no point of you having to consult your friends and come up with conclusions when I did not even know about it. In any way you see it, ill defend myself. For nobody else will, not you will ever be my knight in shining armor you promised me you will. Instead, it seems that you had been the destroyer who pretended to get close to me to have an easier grip of my neck. I am no fool this time. Thanks to you, I knew I deserve someone better, someone who knows what he have when he have me. Our little game, they call love is over. It never even existed in what we had for almost a year.  We try to find reasons and explanations to what had been done but there’s no sense of doing that this time. Tears will, just be mere liquid to both of us this time. There is nothing much it can do except to remind us of  the game we played, persons we lost, hurts we caused and times that even regret cannot bring back.

Let us let things happen just how it is suppose to happen. No settling things in a subtle way, no friendship offerings, nothing but memories we wish never existed. It is only in hurting ourselves deeply that we’ll know that it only existed because we chose to feel that way. It is in meeting and loving you that I learned that the best is not always the essential, the ideal is not always the right one. That imperfection can be perfect and the wrong choice can be the most important choice I have to make. That being at the losing side can make you feel that winning the argument is not the best feeling in the world and most significantly, that escaping will never solve the problem that you’ve left behind.

I was once a believer that love is strengthened over time but someone out there taught me an important lesson I’ll treasure all my life: Whatever it cost, the price tag of love is never measured by affection. Everyone can afford buying it but we are afraid of how much it will cost us.

Thank you for this moment
I gotta say how beautiful you are
Of all the hopes and dreams i could have prayed for
Here you are
If I could have one dance forever
I would take you by the hand
Tonight it’s you and I together
I’m so glad I’m your man

And if i lived a thousand years you know
I’d never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you that day
But if destiny decided I should look the other way
Then the world would never know
The greatest story ever told
And did I tell you that I love you tonight

I don’t hear the music when I’m looking in your eyes
But I feel the rhythm of your body close to mine
It’s the way we talk that’s sends me
It’s the way we’ll always be here
Your kiss your pretty smile you know I die for
Oh baby you’re all I need

-Greatest story ever told (Oliver James)

Diet=Die+t

is it worth trying?

Diet is a fad now a days. TV screens are flooding with commercials of food supplements, diet pills, exercising machines, surgeries, herbal medicines and teas meant for one thing-losing weight. Obesity rate is rising and it grabs the public’s attention. Nobody wants to be fat anymore. No one wants to be the subject of ridicule among their schoolmates and friends. Everybody wants to be sexy for being sexy or even skinny would lead to being popular, beautiful and loved by everyone.

My friend once had been a victim of this kind of illusion that he will be putting his body into shape by drinking a cup of green tea before sleeping and taking diet pills everyday. He once told me to try for it feels effective. Yeah right I told him, it fees effective. After a month, he noticed that nothing is actually happening to him. So tried on exercising every morning. He worked out but it lasted only for three straight days, he gave up. I spent a week of vacation into that friend’s house and it was good. I can see him exercising everyday with sweat all over his body and I felt happy for him. But there seems to be a problem. He is still eating, not that he must not eat but he never really was on a diet after all, he still eats more or less three cups of rice. I tried stopping him reminding him of the diet he is into and he gave me this answer, “Kis-a na lang ko gani gakaon (I seldom eat).” Yeah right. You seldom eat but you eat more than the amount of food your mother and I have eaten all day.

The routine went on for about two months when he actually realized that he never lost weight even a pound. He actually gained more. To make the long story short, he stopped the diet he was crazy about. He realized that he’ll never be thin because it runs in their blood, being fat is in their genes. His mother has the same body structure that he has. We saw each other just before I entered this class and I just laughed to myself, seeing him again gulping another of litter of Fit n’ Right in his hands.

My friend is just one of the many people who thought that being thin is actually as easy as gulping down a litter of tea and a doze of diet pills or even just a visit away to Belo or Calayan. May of those who are under the spell of diet is actually those who are also under the influence of vices and hopelessly letting themselves believe that they’ll be as healthy as a horse despite the fact that they are doing the exact opposite of what they wanted to become.

Being like cheerleaders are always the fad in American movies. However, if one sees it clearly, cheerleaders are not skinny as we see it, they are just out of fats but more on muscles. Being skinny is far different from being unhealthy. There is a big difference in being fit than being skinny. Being thin is beautiful but is it worth all the sacrifice, is it worth all the starving on have to undergo in order for one to be as sexy as being thin?

The Voice-less Within

Will Chaba be like Ariel?

There is worst to being voiceless, that is having nobody to voice out the voice in you. How can one forget Ariel of the Little Mermaid who exchanged her beautiful voice to have feet to be with the one she love? However, the problem of the University of the Philippines student body is no fairy tale to be amazed about. The suspension of the Student Regent, the sole representative of the entire student population of the university to the Board of Regents, the highest policy making body of the entire UP system, have caused the worst to the student.

Student Regent Charrise “Chaba” Bañes is faced with yet another difficult time in her term. After the delayed confirmation due to pending cases in UP Los Baños (UPLB), Chaba is once again deprived of being the student’s voice in the BOR. Last December 17, 2009, UP President Emerlinda Roman received a letter from UP Los Baños Chancellor Velasco stating that Bañes is not a bonified student of the university this second semester thus, making her not qualified for the position of being a Student Regent for she is not an official student of the university.

During the BOR meeting last December 18, 2009, the status of  Bañes have been discussed and a voting had been made on whether she will become only as an observer or will be allowed to vote for any decision to be made by the body. Five out of the nine members of the Board voted for Bañes to be allowed to vote. Also to this meeting that Gonzales was voted against Alfiler to be the new Philippine General Hospital (PGH) Director with five against four votes. Because of this, the legality of   the Student Regent Bañes was again put to question. According to them, the vote of Banes was null and void for she is not a bonified student of the university. However, as stated in the UP Charter, a seat in the Board will never be vacated unless with the presence of a successor. Up to the present, Bañes have not yet released any legal statement regarding this matter for she is still consulting with her legal advisers as well.

The students comprise the largest sector of this institution. Student representation is something that the administration have to dully give to ones directly affected with whatever policy or issue that the university faces. The suspension of Banes is a clear manifestation of how the administration disregards the concerns of the students in this university. Bañes, known to be a very critical and vocal person, is not into a battle for herself alone. She is the representative of every student in this university. Thus, making her, a representative of the students they rely on to voice out everything concerning them in this university, the bastion of learning.

Now that the university is facing more controversies such as the planned closing of UP high school in Cebu, PGH director, Tuition and Other Fess Increase and many more, who will voice out the side of the supposed to be most powerful voice in this university? Without our representation in the Board of Regents, who else will go with the sides of the students? With no one going for the students in that Board, there is no way that we can be heard. Like Ariel in The Little Mermaid, who else would proudly profess the love of the students for this institution? Student representation alone can fight for the cause of the students. It is the most effective way of catering the rights and demands of the students.

This is not a battle that Chaba alone needs to face, this is something our long ago students of this university sacrificed their lives for. University of the Philippines is not for the professors of this university, it is for the students who like Oblẻ, wanted to be clothed with knowledge and wisdom. ẞ

Journey to the dorm

i hope the lights will still be on by midnight...

Imagine yourself in the middle of a forest, walking alone in the middle of the night. Its pitch black, you see nothing but you hear a lot of sounds coming from things you cannot recognize. You felt tired and decided to take a rest, you stumbled to sleep and woke up the next day. Surprised, you find yourself still in the a mountainous area but now at the middle of the road. How did you get in there? It might be that someone found you and brought you to safety without you noticing it or perhaps, you are a student from the University of the Philippines Visayas Miagao campus who was drunk from Omp’s or Bentoy’s the night before struggling to go back to your dorm at the wee hours.

The situation that was presented above was no fairy tale, it is an everyday experience of students from the said university. Dorms, unlike in other universities, is a five minute tricycle ride from the college buildings. As busy students it won’t hurt to enjoy ourselves from the tiring day that we have undergone so we spend time having fun in places like Bentoy’s Place or Omp’s Corner and sometimes would end up having a few drinks to relax ourselves and bond with our friends and classmates. The worst part there is going home at around 11 to 12 in the evening with no available mode of transportation aside from your own feet(lucky if you would still have a pair of slippers or shoes after your inuman session). It would take more or less 20 minutes for ‘normal’ people but for those who are slightly engrossed with the fun of the night, it would more or less be an hour of agonizing walk across the mountainous landscape of the university premises. Somehow, you will enjoy the walk for it will be an extension of the bonding moment with friends and also a bonding with nature because of the vast variety of trees that are along the way. Together with that is the fear and excitement of what awaits you along the walk to the dorm. Many ghost stories have been told about the place and it will be adventure for the group. Along with that are the hundred stories of scary, traumatic and alarming stories of hold-ups and beatings that happened in that long agonizing walk back to out dorms.

Aren’t there street lights? You may ask. But of course! There is. The university provides street lights that would ensure the safety of their precious students back to their dormitories, they care so much that the street lights were beautifully decorated with translucent glass case, placed on one side of the road. It is so beautiful that the lights are dim and the place appears to be like a park in the middle of the forest. It is like a place of total sweetness that even lovers had a lane in there called the ‘lover’s lane’ where they can date without the people passing by see them or in worst case, their shadows are one’s to be seen. I am so glad to belong in this university where the administration is so sweet and caring that it would give their students such a lovely place prone to hold-up and beatings from outsiders because it is an open university. What is so amazing also about the place going to the dorm is that it gets into the theme of the Yuletide Season. The university may not have Christmas lights that would fill the entire place with glittering and colorful lights but it do have an alternative. The university have street lights that goes on and off every time that it appears to be a twinkling source of light that can encompass even the most lovely lights in the city of Pototan.

The adventure however does not just end there. The lights also do the thing my friends and I call the “chasing.” Here’s the catch, go back to the dorm at around 11 to 12 in the evening, start to walk and then after five minutes, the a series of light behind you would all together die out. Walk another five minutes and the same thing happen. So if you walk like a turtle, you better run or else you’ll find yourself in the middle of a wide forest, seeing nothing, hearing strange sounds and eventually with someone at your side holding a knife or a gun probably, telling you to give him your cellular phone and money or else, be found dead the following day in the middle of the road of  the university that turns out to be a forest park when the broad daylight disappears.

Christmas Everyday

I was walking in the dorm area yesterday when I spotted a group of people singing, they jump from one dorm to the other. They wore jackets to combat the cold night and they bear in their faces the smile of warm greetings.  Christmas is near yet, without the glittering lights and Christmas decorations, I never felt it coming.

There is something different in this year’s Christmas, it is faced with a lot of social problems and first in the list is poverty. However, it’s amazing how people around me celebrate Christmas despite all the bad news that surrounds them. Peopel can still bear smiles in their faces despite all the horrible  things that happened to them.  Filipinos can still gather around the christmas table only with a plate of  pansit and a pack of cold pandesal. Filpinos can have Christmas trees with only twigs and a few plastic to decorate it. Filipino families would always give gifts to their loved ones despite the economic problem that the country undergoes. Only in the Philippines that Christmas is an ocassion that not only gathers the entire clan but also paves the way for highschool home commings and another year of credit list due to excesive expenses due to the holiday.

Christmas is not just a break for all of us, it also is an occasion that gives us the time to realize that the celebration is not just all about having cheso de bola on out table for noche buena nor completing the simbang gabi in order to make a wish . Christmas is about everything we must be thankful of.

Christmas speaks of so many things like giving love, uniting the family and even helping out to those unfortunate ones. However, why only now that we do these stuffs? Why not we consider everyday as Christmas season in order for us to extend our helping hand? If it is Christmas everyday, I guess, the world around us would be the perfect place to live- peaceful and full of love.

Let everyday be our Christmas and let everyone be our manitos and manitas.

Advance Merry Christmas everyone!

gays have their rights too

                Today I woke up differently, I don’t know the reason but it seems that I’ve gained an additional strength or something of that sort. The night before, my classmate told me that we are requested to write about anything under the sun for our editorial class, all night long I cracked my heads out thinking of a certain topic that I would be writing, I began to scribble down some notes with nothing particular in mind, hoping that I’ll be able to come up with something sensible and worth reading.

                Upon entering the room, I heard my roommates having an argument. I told my self, its normal having this commotion with my pol sci roommates. I thought once again that they are talking about Plato, Aristotle and alike. This time I was surprised, it’s something different, it was about the relationship of the state and the Church. Who is more influential? Are these two independent aspects or are they interrelated?

                I also began to question myself. In the Philippine setting, the Church is separated form the State, however, it is impossible that the Church cannot influence the decision of the government. For instance, why did Comelec (Commission on Election) reject the Ladlad Party List (gay party list)? Is it really the Church’s influence or just a mere discrepancy in the part of the other party?

                For me, you cannot really separate the Church from the State, although that should not be the case.   Mostly especially in the Philippines wherein our decisions are based on the morals that the Catholic Church have taught us ever since. However, in the present day context, can morals still be the basis in implementing and/or permitting policies in the country? Sometimes, we have to adjust with the times, we have to be flexible at times. As to the case of the Ladlad party list, I think, they should be given the voice in the society, not only because they are increasing in number but because the freedom to express oneself must not only be given to a limited few.  They are also human beings having the same rights that “normal” citizens have. They may be sinful in the face of the Catholic Church but isn’t it that our Jesus Christ has died for all those considered as children of God?

The Other Side of It:A glance of corruption in the Philippines

Philippines is one of the third world countries in Asia. And Filipinos (Pinoys) would blame this to one thing-CORUPTION.

The journalism class that  I am into recently talked about this and we’ve come up with a definition of it, in the simplest but most concrete manner our young minds are capable of.

CORRUPTION- gaining advantage at the expense of another.

Corruption is a common word in the country that the people believe is the root of all the problem this country faces. However, where does corruption really starts?

From a  discussion with my political science friends, they said that corruption existed even before the Spaniards came to the country. Even the tribes of the different places in the country have this problem. And they said that it roots down to competition and survival of the fittest. This is because man would do anything in order to be on top of the social ladder and in order to attain this, one must have an edge over the other. He/she must not be equal with the average, he/she must be higher. This would be impossible without  gaining advantage at the expense of another.

Well, another thing that my CMS 132 class have discussed is the the Corruption Perceptions Index (CPI) of Transparency International. it says that corruption is just a matter of perception. This is because corruption is something we only perceive. However, its manifestations are tangible. Corruption is something that we experience. It may sound abstract but one thing is sure, it exist. And here in the Pearl of the Orient, this problem is faced by the people from one generation to another. This problem,where nobody really knows the origin, is rapidly losing the hope of the  people for  better days to come and the optimism  for a country worth dying for.

Start of Something New

I am not new to blogging. I used o be a regular blogger of my blog in Friendster. However, this one is far different from what I used to have.

As a journalist, the scope of it does not just end on paper. In this face-paced word that we are into, one cannot help but be left behind of the latest and what’s “in”. And journalism is never an exception.

As an aspiring journalist, it is most needed to be objective and be a truth-seeker. But is objectivity really possible or is it just another myth in journalism?

To be objective, one must be neutral or  unbiased. But is it really possible? Human as we are, biases are natural because of our individual principles and our orientation of  what is right or wrong.

Is it possible that one cannot influence the actions of the people in his/her surroundings? This is indeed impossible. This is because we are interdependent to one another and  to the society. It was said that you cannot detach someone from the society in which he/she lives. Therefore, we influence each other.

In journalism, I believe that nothing is really unbiased. Although there might be the factor of truth, it is not the entire truth, it would just be a piece of cake. For whether journalists would admit it or not, in one way or another, they have manipulated the story, most of the time, to their own advantage.

I am not saying that journalists are people whom one cannot trust, in fact, they are those that people trust the most because of their ability to deliver the reality. And this is a responsibility every journalist have at hand. A journalist’s social responsibility is something that neither the question on objectivity even death cannot bring to halt.