i miss the hug that brings me to deep slumber
Its dawn. I’m still awake. I feel like sleeping but my thoughts are somewhere I can’t determine. I know it is not with the academic loads that I am facing, not even with the financial constraints that I am into. I loaded myself with that that would keep me busy. These things I know are hard for me to handle, hard for me to cope with but I chose to drown myself with these loads for me to forget the real reason that bothers me. Yeah! These things might keep me busy but not enough to make me forget and let go. This is just one of those nights that I don’t feel like sleeping because the memories keep flashing back, the longing lingers and the hurt deepens. I know I have to let go of you but do we really have to end this way? I know this is not the only way, we may separate ways without bitterness but this is the most effective way of letting me detach to you. You may be right that I am delusional, I am a freak. But it was you who made me become what I am at the moment. You can never blame me.
As I get pass the night and sees the sun rise, I know that this too shall pass. Being bitter might appear immature but that is how it is. People keep on telling me that I must show that I am strong but I’m weak this time, what is the point of faking how I feel? Composure? Pride? I’ve lost it all because of this bullshit feeling I have for someone who doesn’t deserve it. But no, you may not deserve it but it was with you that I have felt this way. You are the only person who can make me cry and smile, love and hate, believe and frustrate at the same time.
I am sorry we have to go through this stage. Yes, I do not like what is happening to us but we should bear this. And pay the consequences for our actions and hope for the better to come. I miss the company, the hugs and kisses, the name calling, the moments spent in silence but mostly, I miss the person that made me feel loved and special. The person who used to brighten my day but chose to broke my heart. I miss my Iggy but I have to learn the art of letting go and the importance of loving myself more than anyone else.
Goodbye will never be easy, but I’ll make it through anyway.
